Know Your Tribe

For the last year or so, I have been taking a close look at my personal relationships. I have examined their benefits vs. drawbacks, successes vs. failures, and costs vs. returns. I looked at why I entered the relationships, why I remained in them, and if I could afford to maintain them.

As I did some serious soul searching, I realized that although each connection is adding a measure of value to my life, even challenging ones, I am limited in time, energy, and resources. My priorities are my relationship with God, then my family, and then everything else. The everything else column had grown too large.

I decided to make a significant change in how I dealt with my personal relationships. I started taking the opened-hand, rather than closed-fist, approach to them. I stopped chasing people down and trying to stay in their good graces. I stopped expending my energy in every direction, and I focused it on the people who wanted to be in my life.

If a friend was unwilling to give at least a 25% effort in our partnership, then they were moved to my outer circle/acquaintances, and if a person acted like they had outgrown our association, I let them grow elsewhere. Of course, if any of them ever wanted to reestablish a deeper connection, then they would be welcome to come back and work on our relationship. I hold no hard feelings against them. I left them in God’s hands.

As I released these relationships, an interesting thing happened – my tribe emerged and I could clearly see them.

My tribe – the people who walk with me, believe in me, invest in me, and strengthen me.

They are my cheerleaders. They let me be myself, without apologies, and look forward to seeing me blossom. They are not afraid or intimidated by my success. In fact, they welcome and champion my successes, but are willing to stand with me during my failures. They allow me to find my own way and give me room to make mistakes.

My tribe members take time to support my professional endeavors and give me constructive feedback. They see my potential and help draw it out.

My tribe allows me to reciprocate support, concern, and advice. They embrace my words and take them to heart. They see me as competent and show me respect. They take time to communicate, even when it is not always convenient. If we have an issue or misunderstanding, it gets resolved because the relationship is valuable to both parties.

When I need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or help during difficult times, they will do their best to lend assistance. They support our marriage. They speak wisdom to our children. They want our family to prosper – spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially.

I now realize how important it is to find your tribe.

I spent so many years trying to fit people into what I needed from them, but seldom stopped to think about what it was costing either of us. I am no longer willing to exchange my peace, joy, self-image, confidence, energy, and prosperity to gain a lesser alliance. I want to be my best self, and I can’t do it while lugging around someone who doesn’t belong with me. Likewise, I don’t want to be another person’s dead weight. Life is too short.

I know that over time my tribe will inevitably change. Some members may be there for a lifetime, while others may stay for a short while. Either way, I will continue to keep my hands open to release and receive relationships, as God puts them in my path.

If you have not taken time to find your tribe, I want to encourage you to set some time aside to look at those surrounding you. Are they bringing you life? Are you the best fit for their story? Are there more important relationships in your life that are suffering because you will not let go?

To my tribe – Thank you for being part of my journey! I appreciate you.

If you have anything you would like to share about your own tribe experience, please feel free to leave a comment.