Season Change

I am pleased to announce, in case you did not look at your calendar, that yesterday was the first day of autumn. Soon, I will be turning off my air conditioner and enjoying a gentle autumn breeze through my windows and backdoor screen. I am starting to get my fall wardrobe ready, especially my cardigans, and to stock up on pumpkin and apple cider products. My backyard woods are already showing little hints of yellow, and my fire pit is eagerly awaiting fresh logs and gooey marshmallows.

I love the fall. I look forward to it every year, since I am not a fan of abundant rain, heat waves, or freezing temperatures. My favorite weather is sunny and close to 60 degrees. It is cool enough to enjoy the outdoors, but warm enough to avoid wearing a coat.

Recently, I have discovered another reason for enjoying the fall; it represents a new beginning.

Ever since my dad passed three years ago, I have looked for ways to transition through my grief. In the first year, everything reminded me of him. If someone walked by with a similar haircut, body shape, or clothing, it made me want to crawl in a corner and have an ugly cry. I had an endless mental tape that replayed special memories we shared and/or reminded me of any regrets I was struggling to overcome. It was overwhelming. Under these circumstances, it would be easy to stay in deep mourning for someone you love, and if the person grieving doesn’t fight to move forward, they can get stuck in this paralyzing stage for years. I didn’t want to become a prisoner of grief.

So, after the first year, I decided to start mourning based on the seasons in the year, rather than the individual calendar months. I chose one or two days in each season to deeply mourn his passing, such as Dad’s birthday, my birthday, our last visit, Thanksgiving/Christmas, and his death anniversary, rather than every 20th of the month, special occasion, or holiday. For instance, both of our birthdays are around the early part of spring, so those are my spring mourning times. I allow myself extra time to grieve around those dates, but after they are over, I seek out refreshing activities that draw me out of isolation. I repeat this process for the winter and the latter part of fall.

During the summer, I spend the last few weeks, near the anniversary of his death, processing where I am in my grief. I take time to mourn my loss and to dig up some pleasant memories. I mine my heart for any hidden regret, anger, or blame. Then, I reflect on how far I have come in the grief process, so I can start a fresh year when fall begins.

I am not sure if this is how I will always handle my grief, but for now it is helping me transition through it.

Yesterday was the beginning of my 4th year without Dad, and I am ready for this season change. I am ready to say goodbye to the last season and its sorrows. I am ready to shed this level of pain and grow. I am ready to move forward. Welcome fall!

If you have lost a loved one, feel free to share the ways you have coped through the grieving process.