For Valentine’s Day this year, my husband, Chris, and I decided to go to dinner and then see a movie. The theater was playing only one romantic film, LD Entertainment’s Forever My Girl. Surprisingly, Chris was interested in going to see it, and despite having watched it twice with two of my friends, I was happy to go with him.
Forever My Girl, based on the book by author Heidi McLaughlin, is a heart-warming film about Liam Paige, a small-town boy turned country music star, who returns home after 8 years of running from his past. When he arrives, he discovers he has a 7-year-old daughter, Billy, with Josie, his abandoned high school sweetheart. Still madly in love with Josie and wanting to be a dad to Billy, he fights to win both of their hearts and build a family.
(SPOILER ALERT)
Although I enjoyed several things about this movie, my favorite part was its message concerning the power of forgiveness.
As I held Chris’ hand during the film, I thought about the impact of forgiveness on our story.
The beginning years of our relationship were rocky. Our oldest daughter, Kim, was born during my Junior year of high school, while Chris was in his AIT (Advanced Individual Training) for the Army. Three days later, his brother was killed by a drunk driver.
Chris, lost in grief, shut both Kim and me out of his life. We barely heard from him for a year, and when we finally did, he had been convinced Kim was not his daughter. Despite my assurance that she was his and I had been faithful to him, he insisted upon a paternity test. I was glad to do anything to get him back into our lives.
The moment he found out Kim was definitely his, he vowed to be a part of her life. However, Chris’ and my relationship would require months of work. After almost a year of being in a long distance relationship, we got married. I thought things were going to get better, but they didn’t.
A few months into our marriage, Chris started exhibiting signs of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Since the Army didn’t educate soldiers or spouses about PTSD back then, neither of us knew he needed help. His symptoms kept getting worse, and I was left with a husband trying to self-medicate his memories and pain away.
I felt alone, unloved, and angry. I had previously dealt with abandonment from my dad and Chris, and now, I was going through it again with Chris as my husband. My love for Chris started turning into hatred, which eventually became bitterness. I couldn’t stand to look at him, let alone be a decent wife.
After seven years of our marriage continuing on a downward spiral, we experienced a divine interruption. God got us back into a church.
Over the next few years, God taught me how to forgive my husband, who was still struggling with addictions and PTSD symptoms.
Forgiveness did not mean I had to agree with what Chris had done or how he had treated me. Forgiveness meant I needed to stop acting like Chris’ sins were worse than mine and take responsibility for my part in our chaotic relationship. I had to stop holding Chris’ mistakes over his head, and I needed to let God deal with Chris, rather than playing Chris’ judge and jury. I had to let God be God, and I had to start being a loving wife.
Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice. I had to learn to forgive even when I didn’t feel like it. In some cases, it took years before my emotions were in sync with my decisions, but I chose to forgive anyway.
I realized, if I wanted a fully restored relationship with God, I had to show forgiveness to those around me. You can’t honestly say you love God, but harbor hatred and unforgiveness toward your neighbor (in my case, my husband). I needed peace in my heart toward Chris so I could learn how to truly love him.
Chris learned how to forgive himself and me, as well.
Today, our marriage is the strongest it has ever been.
As I looked at my husband, whose glasses were resting on the tip of his nose so he could see the screen above his bifocals, I giggled quietly. Yep, our marriage is all about forgiveness – forgiveness from God, forgiveness for each other, and forgiveness for ourselves.
Thank you, Liam and Josie, for the stroll down memory lane.
Your blog post this week was very well spoken and interesting. It made me think. Thank you.
This is the 2nd best blog you have written. Thank you for sharing your story and being transparent. I know this will be a blessing to someone.